And How Fear Almost Stopped me Launching This Blog.
Today is the official launch day of this blog I now call mine, Wolf & Stag, and I couldn’t be more excited to mark this day and share my little space of the internet with you.
However, the story of Wolf & Stag didn’t actually begin today. Technically, this blogging adventure began 4 months ago. That was the day I decided to quit my 9-5 corporate job and pursue something that made me feel more fulfilled creatively.
Many friends said I was ‘brave’ and what I did was a risk; in reality, it never felt like so, because to me, the biggest risk was staying at a job that left me wondering “what if?” while I had no children and no mortgage to worry about.
Quitting was, in fact, easy.
It was June at this point, and I spent a week or so trying to figure out what that career hole needed to be fulfilled, while working freelance a couple of days a week. I quickly discovered that, really, all the content consulting I did for others, I just wanted to do for myself. I wanted to finally make something of the 7 or so blogs I had started throughout my life. I wanted to write, make a beautiful space, and I wanted to do it for myself.
The decision to see if I could make it as a blogger, again, was relatively easy to reach.
Naively, I thought all the rest would just fall into place. I gave myself until August (because “Future Erin” is like superwoman, of course) to set up the blog, write posts every day, monetise the blog, learn to cook, learn to walk in heels, become a fashionista and make this lifestyle blog AH-MAH-ZING.
In actuality, what happened was: nothing. I was stuck. I was plagued by procrastination, by indecision, by laziness, by worries of money, but mostly – desperately – by fear. And with each day that passed of more nothing, all of those things seemed to amplify.
In my switch from full-time corporate marketing employee to part-time blogger, part time freelancer, I had assumed the hardest part would be making that first step. I never anticipated that the hardest part would be overcoming myself.
“Don’t let the Fear of What Could Happen Make Nothing Happen”
was I am I scared of, exactly?
A fear of not being good enough. A fear of letting people know I’ve quit my job and become a blogger (why does it still embarrasses me to tell people?). A fear of not being stylish or competitive enough for this life. A fear of not knowing what I’m doing, of having no readers or engagement, or never making this a profitable choice. A fear of failing at the thing that I teach, and that you all will hate this content.
So much fear. So little me.
Suddenly it was mid-July, and I was so frustrated with myself that I knew something had to change. And so one Saturday morning, I had a nice long shower (because all genius ideas happen in the shower), and just said to myself, enough.
Enough of the doubts, of the perfectionist need to not be vulnerable. No more crying; no more wallowing. Your blog is your space, and you can be exactly how you want to be on it. And with time, you will make it the best it can be.
Just do it, and you will feel better. Write one post, one small step, and tackle the rest later.
And you know what? It worked.
And so bit by bit, over the next month (with Stag’s incredible patience, kindness and coding wizardry), we built this site to what you see today. Still needing tweaks and all, but I feel more OK with that now.
The fears, they are of course still there, lingering. But where did anyone ever get by letting fear rule decisions?
(Except my fear of spiders and zombie apocalypses. Those fears are totally justified).
I really want to hear YOUR stories. Have you ever felt similar fears? Did fear hold you back? What’re the steps you took to overcome your fear?
Also, apologies for the hugely long, pictureless post. Normal posts to resume tomorrow!